Readers lose when writers sanitise desire, because sex scenes then stop serving narrative stakes. Love and lust generate trouble, and trouble creates conflict. When desire is unclear or shrouded in euphemism, scenes lose the emotional friction that drives story, and familiar phrases about love do nothing to illuminate the complexity of what characters want.
The essay traces a childhood lesson about secrecy around sex, including an anecdote about a parent who answered a child’s question with, “It means making love,” and a copy of Peter Mayle’s Where Did I Come From? left for further instruction. Those early cultural lessons teach that sex should be private, yet desire is the motor of many plots, the place where wants meet obstacles.
Practical advice follows: exploit the messiness of sexual encounters. Orgasm should rarely be treated as the single narrative aim; characters often pursue sex to feel loved, to manipulate, to defy expectation, or to catalyse an exit. Presenting those motives honestly gives a scene its dramatic weight, whether the act is revenge, consolation, duty, or longing.
Match the language to the character. If a narrator would think, “Fuck me harder,” translating that into genteel phrasing betrays voice and undercuts believability. A piece can range from earthy slang to medical terminology to metaphoric lyricism, but the diction must feel true to the speaker. The essay insists writers must be willing to use words they find uncomfortable; some scenes demand blunt, even taboo words to remain credible.
Break stereotypes and broaden viewpoint. The article critiques primitive primers that present sex only from a male-facing perspective and argues for writing that reflects sexual variety, including same-sex and solitary desire. Reproducing narrow scripts reinforces power imbalances and flattens character interiority; fresh language and shifted perspective restore agency.
The piece closes with a charge to be brave and unapologetic in how sex is written. Quoting Oscar Wilde, “Everything in the world is about sex except for sex. Sex is about power,” the essay calls for work that captures sex’s moral and emotional complexity rather than defaulting to clichés. Writers should try new diction, honour motive, and allow awkward or offensive words when the scene requires them.
